LET’S TALK ABOUT … BOUNDARIES
Creating healthy boundaries in your life, in your relationships is EMPOWERING.
By recognizing the need to set and enforce limits, you protect your self- esteem, maintain self-respect, and enjoy healthy relationships.
And as we all know and have experienced, Unhealthy boundaries cause emotional pain that lead to dependency, unhappiness, confusion, abuse, and even stress-induced physical illness! You know, when you allow someone to do too much in your life that you haven’t authorized…
Or allowing someone to take advantage of your time, your space, your finances, and kindness… all symptoms caused by of unhealthy relationships boundaries!
A lack of boundaries is like leaving the door to your home UNLOCKED: anyone, including unwelcome guests, can enter at will.
On the other hand, having too rigid boundaries can lead to isolation, like living in a locked-up castle surrounded by a mote. No one can get in, and you can’t get out.
So, What are personal boundaries to be exact? Well, Personal boundaries, just like the “No Trespassing” sign, define where you end and others begin and are determined by the amount of physical and emotional space you allow between yourself and others.
Personal boundaries help you decide what types of communication, behavior, and interaction are acceptable.
And I’m sure you’re asking, why do we need boundaries?
Why is it important to set boundaries?
- To practice self-care and self-respect
- To communicate your needs in a relationship
- To make time and space for positive interactions
- To set limits in a relationship in a way that is healthy
Barriers to Boundary Setting
I know as women, we would never sign up to have our boundaries crossed or taken advantage of, So why do we allow it? Why do we NOT enforce or uphold our boundaries?
- FEAR of rejection and, ultimately, abandonment.
- FEAR of confrontation.
- We were not TAUGHT healthy boundaries.
- Safety Concerns
So today, I want to help you to establish healthy boundaries within your own life, because we ALL need them in order to be successful and empowered women!
- Ask yourself, what boundaries do I want to set?
- When you identify the need to set a boundary, do it clearly, calmly, firmly, respectfully, and in as few words as possible.
- Do not justify, get angry, or apologize for the boundary you are setting.
- Ask yourself, what relationships have been causing you stress, pain, unhappiness? Making you feel that you’re overstretching yourself and feeling violated?
- You are not responsible for the other person’s reaction to the boundary you are setting. You are only responsible for communicating your boundary in a respectful manner. If it upset them, know it is their problem. Some people, especially those accustomed to controlling, abusing, or manipulating you, might test you. Plan on it, expect it, but remain firm. Remember, your behavior must match the boundaries you are setting. You cannot successfully establish a clear boundary if you send mixed messages by apologizing.
- At first, you will probably feel selfish, guilty, or embarrassed when you set a boundary. Do it anyway and remind yourself you have a right to self-care. Setting boundaries takes practice and determination. Don’t let anxiety, fear or guilt prevent you from taking care of yourself.
Understand this, When you feel anger or resentment or find yourself whining or complaining, you probably need to set a boundary. Listen to yourself, determine what you need to do or say, then communicate assertively.
Learning to set healthy boundaries takes time. It is a process. Set them in your own time frame, not when someone else tells you.
Develop a support system of people who respect your right to set boundaries. Eliminate toxic persons from your life— those who want to manipulate, abuse, and control you.