I get it! In a world full of superficial it’s hard to stay true to yourself. You follow “perfect” couples or women on social media who portray an image that can’t be compared to. The life they’re living, the makeup they’re wearing, the perfect boyfriend they post pictures and cute videos of every day, it makes you second-guess your own reality and try to live up to an image that’s not real.
I’m here to tell you, there’s no such thing as perfect, but there’s such a thing as vanity and the art of “frontin’.”
I understand, society wears on your self-esteem and makes you feel that you cannot live up to the standards that they set out for young women! It’s insane! But you want to know something? You don’t have to! Society has always tried to set higher standards and impossible perfect images of women only to keep young women slave to the beauty industry. But that’s not why I am writing this blog today; I am writing this blog to tell you that you matter and your self-esteem matters!
It’s okay to want to be liked by others, but not when it means giving in to pressure and having negative thoughts of yourself in your mind.
What is self-esteem?
Self-esteem is made up of our own thoughts, feelings and opinions. That means that self-esteem isn’t something that is fixed! It can change, depending on the way we think. Unfortunately, over time, habits of negative thinking about ourselves can lower our self-esteem.
I can remember when I was in high school, perfection was STILL an unachievable goal, however, to a 17 year-old young girl, I knew I had to achieve that in order to be liked, to be popular, to be loved by the world. Comparing myself to other girls who I thought were perfect only lowered my self-esteem, because to me, I wasn’t perfect, I wasn’t pretty, I wasn’t worth loving. You see, the crazy thing about self-esteem, is that we project these false thoughts and images of what society thinks is beautiful, perfect, worth loving, and in turn allow that to determine how we feel about ourselves, which result in low self-esteem. To think, a lot of times we don’t even realize that we’re thinking so negatively of ourselves.
Manage your inner critic
It’s so important that you take notice of the critical things you say to yourself. Would you say those things to your best friend? Would you want your best friend or little sister thinking of themselves the way you’re thinking of yourself? A harsh inner voice just tears us down. Re-train yourself by rewording your negative unkind thoughts into more helpful loving thoughts. One thing I did, was start by telling myself each day in the mirror that I loved myself and that I was beautiful. It was not easy to do at first, but after while, I began to love myself in a way that I had never done before. I began to see myself in a light that I had never saw myself before! You’d be amazed at what changing your thoughts, and being mindful of what you say to yourself does to your self-esteem.
Focus on what goes well for you
If you’re used to focusing on the problem… STOP IT. It’s not good for your mental health or your self-esteem. The next time that you catch yourself doing so, dwelling on a problem or complaining about yourself or your day, find something positive to counter that thought. I can remember that I used to write down in my journal three good things about myself each day and three things that went well that day because of my action and effort and it truly made me feel a lot better. I saw what I saw in those girls on FB and IG in myself.
Remind yourself that everyone excels at different things.
Focus on what you do well, and cheer on others for their success. Thinking more like this: “She’s a great basketball player — but the truth is, I’m a better musician than athlete. Still, I’ll keep playing because I enjoy it.” helps you accept yourself and make the best of the situation.
Remember, we are all created in a different way. Just like planting trees, every tree doesn’t grow at the same time, doesn’t bloom the same type of flowers or leaves or branches. Every tree is unique and every tree is beautiful. Every tree has a place in this world and provides something major to this beautiful earth, and just like a tree, you do too! Do not compare yourself to anyone in this world, we are not meant to be in comparison! Be patient with yourself and love yourself. “Comparison is the thief of joy.”
To learn more about self-esteem and dealing with self-esteem, join my online girls group for anxiety and self-esteem! Look forward to seeing you!