Living in This World, Being A Girl

I get it! In a world full of superficial it’s hard to stay true to yourself. You follow “perfect” couples or women on social media who portray an image that can’t be compared to. The life they’re living, the makeup they’re wearing, the perfect boyfriend they post pictures and cute videos of every day, it makes you second-guess your own reality and try to live up to an image that’s not real.

I’m here to tell you, there’s no such thing as perfect, but there’s such a thing as vanity and the art of “frontin’.”

I understand, society wears on your self-esteem and makes you feel that you cannot live up to the standards that they set out for young women! It’s insane! But you want to know something? You don’t have to! Society has always tried to set higher standards and impossible perfect images of women only to keep young women slave to the beauty industry. But that’s not why I am writing this blog today; I am writing this blog to tell you that you matter and your self-esteem matters!

 

It’s okay to want to be liked by others, but not when it means giving in to pressure and having negative thoughts of yourself in your mind.

 

What is self-esteem?

Self-esteem is made up of our own thoughts, feelings and opinions. That means that self-esteem isn’t something that is fixed! It can change, depending on the way we think. Unfortunately, over time, habits of negative thinking about ourselves can lower our self-esteem.

I can remember when I was in high school, perfection was STILL an unachievable goal, however, to a 17 year-old young girl, I knew I had to achieve that in order to be liked, to be popular, to be loved by the world. Comparing myself to other girls who I thought were perfect only lowered my self-esteem, because to me, I wasn’t perfect, I wasn’t pretty, I wasn’t worth loving. You see, the crazy thing about self-esteem, is that we project these false thoughts and images of what society thinks is beautiful, perfect, worth loving, and in turn allow that to determine how we feel about ourselves, which result in low self-esteem. To think, a lot of times we don’t even realize that we’re thinking so negatively of ourselves.

The one thing I can tell you is that is it up to you to make the change! You can change the way you think
about yourself and change the way you feel about yourself. I did it!

 

Manage your inner critic

It’s so important that you take notice of the critical things you say to yourself. Would you say those things to your best friend? Would you want your best friend or little sister thinking of themselves the way you’re thinking of yourself? A harsh inner voice just tears us down. Re-train yourself by rewording your negative unkind thoughts into more helpful loving thoughts. One thing I did, was start by telling myself each day in the mirror that I loved myself and that I was beautiful. It was not easy to do at first, but after while, I began to love myself in a way that I had never done before. I began to see myself in a light that I had never saw myself before! You’d be amazed at what changing your thoughts, and being mindful of what you say to yourself does to your self-esteem.

 

Focus on what goes well for you

If you’re used to focusing on the problem… STOP IT. It’s not good for your mental health or your self-esteem. The next time that you catch yourself doing so, dwelling on a problem or complaining about yourself or your day, find something positive to counter that thought. I can remember that I used to write down in my journal three good things about myself each day and three things that went well that day because of my action and effort and it truly made me feel a lot better. I saw what I saw in those girls on FB and IG in myself.

 

Remind yourself that everyone excels at different things.

Focus on what you do well, and cheer on others for their success. Thinking more like this: “She’s a great basketball player — but the truth is, I’m a better musician than athlete. Still, I’ll keep playing because I enjoy it.” helps you accept yourself and make the best of the situation.

Remember, we are all created in a different way. Just like planting trees, every tree doesn’t grow at the same time, doesn’t bloom the same type of flowers or leaves or branches. Every tree is unique and every tree is beautiful. Every tree has a place in this world and provides something major to this beautiful earth, and just like a tree, you do too! Do not compare yourself to anyone in this world, we are not meant to be in comparison! Be patient with yourself and love yourself. “Comparison is the thief of joy.”

 

To learn more about self-esteem and dealing with self-esteem, join my online girls group for anxiety and self-esteem! Look forward to seeing you!

Relationship Advice That Can Go A Long Way

DCIM100GOPROGOPR0659.Yes, relationships are hard. They do take a lot of hard work and dedication, which is far from what you initially thought a relationship, would be right? Wanting to find the right person to settle down with, this alone can be frustrating, and when you do find the right one, you still have your work cut out for you to help maintain and keep a happy relationship.

So, I’ve decided to throw out some advice, a little guidance to help you through those tough times in your relationships. Here we go!

1. You Two Are Cut from a Different Cloth

Often times, when we get into a relationship, we tend to forget that the person we are dating is yes, the person we want to be with, but they’re not us. They didn’t grow up in the same household with the same parents and the same perception in life, therefore, you will be completely different from your partner in many instances, and that can be a GOOD thing! When you keep in mind that you are different, you are more likely to understand that if an argument or disagreement comes up, it’s understandable, and you will get through it. I mean think about it, you and two of your friends can all go see the same movie and feel totally different about it! That’s because you are all different and your perceptions from life’s journey affect how you view things. So take it easy on yourself and your partner!

2. Take it EASY

Too often we get caught up in fear-based needs to control the person we are dating. This control can become a destructive compulsion that disintegrates the integrity of your relationship! Instead, you get anger and resentment from both people involved, rather than respect and compassion. To give your partner space to still be their own person, allows room for more peace, happiness, trust, and respect. Often times when there’s stress in the relationship, one partner asks for physical space to break the tension, and this happens subtle more than not. The best way to incorporate space is by being proactive and providing emotional rather than physical space. Both partners need to allow space to be their selves and have their own personal experiences without trying to control what the other person thinks or feels. It takes hard work and practice, but it’s so worth the effort.

3. You are Responsible for your Own Happiness

Yes! Yes! Yes! It is not your partner’s job to make you happy by any means. Of course, it feels really good when your partner is acting in a way that you want them to, but needing them to be a certain way in order for you to feel good—that’s bondage. Having the need or false perception that your partner has to be in a good mood all the time, will set your relationship up for failure long term. Yes, in the initial stages of the relationship, it may seem that way, but it’s impossible to sustain this image long-term. Getting into a relationship understanding and knowing that you are 110% responsible for your happiness and your partner is responsible for their, will help you both to focus on things that make you feel good in your lives and you look more into the things that you appreciate about one another. Bringing more wholeness into the relationship.
If you are looking for a relationship or someone to complete you or vice versa, you’re looking in the wrong direction. There won’t be lasting happiness or true fulfillment in that type of relationship. Wouldn’t it be better if you could find a way to feel how you want to feel regardless of what your partner is saying or doing?

4. LOVE YOURSELF

It’s extremely hard, dang near impossible to love someone else more than you love yourself. It’s important to learn to care for your mind, body, soul, and spirit. Realizing that being able to love yourself is the most important step to a successful relationship and a successful life. Doing things that make you happy, being unapologetically you, and being able to care and love others simply because you know exactly what love is because you were able to love yourself first! You should compare loving yourself to the oxygen mask. You have to apply it to yourself before applying it to anyone else. To know yourself, what you love, what makes your strong, what makes you weak, will in turn make your love more stronger. To completely love yourself, will allow for the person you’re with to be able to be themselves and love you the best way they know how. Conveying to your partner that you love yourself signals that you can be a pillar of strength and compassion.

5. Do Not Put Boundaries on your Partner

The only person you’re able to put boundaries on is yourself. If someone is doing something you don’t like or treating you in a negative way, you are unable to change them or their behavior. What you can do is ask yourself ‘what are the reasons you’re accepting it and how can you put a boundary on yourself so you won’t accept it again?’ It’s important to take more responsibility for your role in a bad relationship. Not that there action is a reflection of you, but why are you allowing those bad actions to continue. Remember, life is a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you believe you are undeserving of happiness, love and prosperity, that’s what they universe will give you.

6. You’ve Gotta Give the Effort

Relationships and dating don’t just “come,” they require time, patience, and effort. If you want a positive, happy relationship, you must take the time to understand and know your partner, go on dates, adventures, or simply stay home and play games that will help you two engage in one another. Relationships are a process and require a lot of groundwork, but it’s definitely worth the time, the patience, and the effort when you’re with the right person.

5 Tips to understanding Mental Health and Counseling

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Often times we look at mental health with the stigma of the title being negative. Thinking of people who are in mental institutions, or someone suffering from a severe Mental Disorder such as schizophrenia, schizoaffective disorders, or bipolar disorder. Although these are disorders that fall under mental health, there is more to mental health than just the extreme. Mental health is a person’s mental condition with regard to their emotion well-being and psychological well-being. View Post