Yes, relationships are hard. They do take a lot of hard work and dedication, which is far from what you initially thought a relationship, would be right? Wanting to find the right person to settle down with, this alone can be frustrating, and when you do find the right one, you still have your work cut out for you to help maintain and keep a happy relationship.
So, I’ve decided to throw out some advice, a little guidance to help you through those tough times in your relationships. Here we go!
1. You Two Are Cut from a Different Cloth
Often times, when we get into a relationship, we tend to forget that the person we are dating is yes, the person we want to be with, but they’re not us. They didn’t grow up in the same household with the same parents and the same perception in life, therefore, you will be completely different from your partner in many instances, and that can be a GOOD thing! When you keep in mind that you are different, you are more likely to understand that if an argument or disagreement comes up, it’s understandable, and you will get through it. I mean think about it, you and two of your friends can all go see the same movie and feel totally different about it! That’s because you are all different and your perceptions from life’s journey affect how you view things. So take it easy on yourself and your partner!
2. Take it EASY
Too often we get caught up in fear-based needs to control the person we are dating. This control can become a destructive compulsion that disintegrates the integrity of your relationship! Instead, you get anger and resentment from both people involved, rather than respect and compassion. To give your partner space to still be their own person, allows room for more peace, happiness, trust, and respect. Often times when there’s stress in the relationship, one partner asks for physical space to break the tension, and this happens subtle more than not. The best way to incorporate space is by being proactive and providing emotional rather than physical space. Both partners need to allow space to be their selves and have their own personal experiences without trying to control what the other person thinks or feels. It takes hard work and practice, but it’s so worth the effort.
3. You are Responsible for your Own Happiness
Yes! Yes! Yes! It is not your partner’s job to make you happy by any means. Of course, it feels really good when your partner is acting in a way that you want them to, but needing them to be a certain way in order for you to feel good—that’s bondage. Having the need or false perception that your partner has to be in a good mood all the time, will set your relationship up for failure long term. Yes, in the initial stages of the relationship, it may seem that way, but it’s impossible to sustain this image long-term. Getting into a relationship understanding and knowing that you are 110% responsible for your happiness and your partner is responsible for their, will help you both to focus on things that make you feel good in your lives and you look more into the things that you appreciate about one another. Bringing more wholeness into the relationship.
If you are looking for a relationship or someone to complete you or vice versa, you’re looking in the wrong direction. There won’t be lasting happiness or true fulfillment in that type of relationship. Wouldn’t it be better if you could find a way to feel how you want to feel regardless of what your partner is saying or doing?
4. LOVE YOURSELF
It’s extremely hard, dang near impossible to love someone else more than you love yourself. It’s important to learn to care for your mind, body, soul, and spirit. Realizing that being able to love yourself is the most important step to a successful relationship and a successful life. Doing things that make you happy, being unapologetically you, and being able to care and love others simply because you know exactly what love is because you were able to love yourself first! You should compare loving yourself to the oxygen mask. You have to apply it to yourself before applying it to anyone else. To know yourself, what you love, what makes your strong, what makes you weak, will in turn make your love more stronger. To completely love yourself, will allow for the person you’re with to be able to be themselves and love you the best way they know how. Conveying to your partner that you love yourself signals that you can be a pillar of strength and compassion.
5. Do Not Put Boundaries on your Partner
The only person you’re able to put boundaries on is yourself. If someone is doing something you don’t like or treating you in a negative way, you are unable to change them or their behavior. What you can do is ask yourself ‘what are the reasons you’re accepting it and how can you put a boundary on yourself so you won’t accept it again?’ It’s important to take more responsibility for your role in a bad relationship. Not that there action is a reflection of you, but why are you allowing those bad actions to continue. Remember, life is a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you believe you are undeserving of happiness, love and prosperity, that’s what they universe will give you.
6. You’ve Gotta Give the Effort
Relationships and dating don’t just “come,” they require time, patience, and effort. If you want a positive, happy relationship, you must take the time to understand and know your partner, go on dates, adventures, or simply stay home and play games that will help you two engage in one another. Relationships are a process and require a lot of groundwork, but it’s definitely worth the time, the patience, and the effort when you’re with the right person.