SUCCESS FOR STRESS (THE STRESSED OUT WOMAN ENTREPRENEUR)

 

It’s a no brainer that when it comes to building your business, you’re going to deal with a nice amount of stress.

If you come into this business already stressed out, be prepared to have an overload.

What I have found as a personal development coach for women entrepreneurs is that a lot of women go in to this business not know what to be prepared for and not having the proper tools to managing stress.

Entrepreneurship is one of the top “jobs” that cause stress in a person’s life.

So if you came into this industry looking to get away from that… you’ve come to the wrong industry.

Luckily for you, I do have tips that can help you to better prepare and cope with the stress of being a woman entrepreneur!

  1. Try to practice gratitude whenever you can
  • When you first start working on your business, you can find yourself comparing your successes to someone else’s, which often leads to burnout, fatigue, high level stress, anxiety, unhappiness, and more. When you’re able to count each small success and be grateful for each little progression in not only your business, but your life and personal growth, you will find the journey of entrepreneurship a lot more pleasing and less stressful. It’s when you put certain parameters and “expectations” on yourself by comparing yourself to what someone else has done or is doing. Entrepreneurship is all about doing what works for you and wanting to be your own boss. Bring your own style of uniqueness into your business and have fun with it!
  1. Be a Positive Polly not a Negative Nancy
  • It seems easier said than done, I know. But what’s important as an entrepreneur is that you are training and developing your mind to see GROWTH and OPPORTUNITY in every situation that you face as an entrepreneur. I love the saying “when the mind is weak, you see things as a problem, when the mind is balanced, you see situations as challenges, when the mind is strong, you see situations as opportunities.” By strengthening your mind (meditation, stress management, self-care, personal development, guidance, positive affirmations) you are able to control your thoughts, look at every opportunity as a lesson, even what we would call “failures” as opportunities for growth. Instead of wallowing in the could’ves and should’ves. Now only are you helping your success, you’re also helping yourself to manage stress. The next time you see a situation as negative, tell yourself, “I can learn from this…”
  1. Practicing Self-care
  • THIS IS HUGE. Often times, entrepreneurs get so caught up in trying to pursue the success of their brand and business, they forget the most important assest – themselves. In order to be successful and continue being successful you MUST prioritize yourself and healthy habits such as sleep, healthy eating habits, limited amounts of caffeine and alcohol, exercise, periodic breaks from technology, etc. A truly successful person will strive to find an extreme balance in their life and business to help with stress moderation (for more information on how to practice self-care, contact me for a free 25 minute personal development consultation).

 

Stress is a part of life but it’s also a big part of being your own biz boss. Understand that if you’re able to manage your stress, success comes to you much easier and you ENJOY your success.

 

If this blog post is helpful for you, PLEASE leave a comment and let me know!

TIP FOR THE STRESSED WOMAN ENTREPRENEUR

If you run a business it’s a stressful job that can create emotional unrest. When you’re dealing with the anxiety of juggling both your personal life and your business, it can be overwhelming to say the least.

Entrepreneurs often juggle many roles and face countless setbacks–lost customers, disputes with partners, increased competition, staffing problems–all while struggling to make payroll.

If you find yourself struggling with anxiety, be open about your challenges. It’s important that you try to seek out a fresh perspective before you fall into a negative spiral, often times that fresh perspective may come in the form of a “bizz bestie,” “spouse,” or “personal development coach.”

If you find yourself struggling with anxiety, try to keep everything in perspective. Entrepreneurship is a deeply personal journey and it’s incredibly difficult to separate your individual identity from the business that you’re trying to create. Life, like business, is a journey full of ups and downs. The more distance you gain from a situation, the less painful it becomes, understanding that the bumps in the road, to shall pass helps to put things into perspective as an entrepreneur.

Understand, you’re not alone and that you will overcome. Find someone to talk to or seek out advice from a professional that can help you to develop effective coping skills for anxiety. No matter what, there’s always a solution.

4 Normal Signs of Toxic Relationship Behavior

Unfortunately, there’s no secret formula or hidden recipe for building a healthy relationship when you’re young. You learn from trial and error, and most of the time, we start off developing unhealthy relationship habits because we are too young to understand or know what a relationship is. Unhealthy relationship habits are baked into our culture. Women worship romantic love – you know the irrational romantic love that doesn’t truly exists? Men and women are raised to objectify each other and to objectify their relationships and with this type of mentality, partners are often seen as assets rather than someone to share mutual emotional support with.

Fortunately, there’s been a lot of psychological research into health and happy relationships the past few decades. Consistently through research, there are some top four common tendencies in a relationship that many couples think are healthy and normal, but are actually really toxic and destroying everything important and dear to you. So below, I will discuss the top four common tendencies. Be prepared for a shocker.

1. Dropping “hints” and other passive-aggressive behavior

WHAT IS IT: Instead of stating what you’re feeling or thinking, you try to nudge your partner in the direction of figuring it out on their own. You find small and petty ways to piss your partner off so you’ll then feel justified in complaining to them.

WHY IT IS TOXIC: It’s toxic because it shows that you’re not comfortable with an open line of communication. A person has no reason to be passive-aggressive if they feel safe expressing their feelings in a relationship.

WHAT YOU SHOULD DO INSTEAD: Openly state how you’re feeling. Make a clear statement that the other person isn’t responsible or obligated to them but that you’d love their support. If they truly love you, they’ll almost always be able to give it.

2. Holding the relationship hostage

WHAT IS IT: This is when a person has a simple complaint or criticism and blackmails the other person by threatening the commitment of the relationship as a whole. Example, if your partner feels like you’ve been cold towards them, instead of saying “I feel like you’re being cold sometimes,” they will say “I can’t date someone who is cold to me all of the time.”

WHY IS IT TOXIC: It’s emotional blackmail! It creates a lot of unnecessary drama in the relationship. Every minor issue in the flow of the relationship results in a perceived commitment crisis. It’s crucial for BOTH people in the relationship to know that negative thoughts and feelings can be communicated safely without threatening the relationship itself.

WHAT YOU SHOULD DO INSTEAD: It’s okay for you both to get upset with your partner or not like something about them. But you need to understand that committing to a person and always liking a person is not the same thing. Two partners who are capable of communicating feedback and criticism towards one another, only with judgment and understanding, will strengthen their commitment to one another in the long run.

3. Blaming Your Partner for Your Own Emotions

WHAT IS IT: Say you’re having a bad day and your partner isn’t being as loving or sympathetic to you as you’d like them to be, so you lash out at them for being insensitive and callous towards you. You’ve been having a crappy day and they have done nothing about it. THIS IS THE ISSUE.

WHY IS IT TOXIC: Blaming your partner for your emotion is a subtle form of selfishness, and a classic example or poor maintenance of personal boundaries. When you place your partner responsible for your own emotions and how you’re supposed to feel all of the time, you’re developing codependent tendencies. When someone begins to get upset, all personal desires go out the window because it is now your responsibility to make one another feel better. Codependency breeds resentment in a relationship.

WHAT YOU SHOULD DO INSTEAD: Take responsibility for your own emotions and expect your partner to be responsible for theirs. Any sacrifices should be made as an autonomous choice and not seen as an expectation.

4. Displays of “loving” jealousy

WHAT IS IT: This is when you get pissed off when your partner talks, touches, calls, texts, hang outs, or sneezes in the general vicinity of another person and then you proceed to take that anger our on your partner in attempts to control their behavior.

WHY IS IT TOXIC: This is craziness. It’s controlling and manipulative. It creates unnecessary drama and fighting. It transmits a message of a lack of trust in the other person. And to be honest, it’s demeaning.

WHAT YOU SHOULD DO INSTEAD: Trust your partner. Some jealousy is natural but excessive jealousy and controlling behaviors towards your partner are signs of your own person feelings of unworthiness and you should learn to confront those feelings and not force them onto those close to you. This can lead to pushing someone you love away.

Relationships can be very complicated and difficult. But few people know that there are some pretty clear signals to know if a relationship is going to work or not. If you’re wanting more information about how to develop a healthy relationship or how to get out of a toxic relationship Click Here for a free 25 minute consultation to receive advice or tips that can be beneficial towards your relationship!

Living in This World, Being A Girl

I get it! In a world full of superficial it’s hard to stay true to yourself. You follow “perfect” couples or women on social media who portray an image that can’t be compared to. The life they’re living, the makeup they’re wearing, the perfect boyfriend they post pictures and cute videos of every day, it makes you second-guess your own reality and try to live up to an image that’s not real.

I’m here to tell you, there’s no such thing as perfect, but there’s such a thing as vanity and the art of “frontin’.”

I understand, society wears on your self-esteem and makes you feel that you cannot live up to the standards that they set out for young women! It’s insane! But you want to know something? You don’t have to! Society has always tried to set higher standards and impossible perfect images of women only to keep young women slave to the beauty industry. But that’s not why I am writing this blog today; I am writing this blog to tell you that you matter and your self-esteem matters!

 

It’s okay to want to be liked by others, but not when it means giving in to pressure and having negative thoughts of yourself in your mind.

 

What is self-esteem?

Self-esteem is made up of our own thoughts, feelings and opinions. That means that self-esteem isn’t something that is fixed! It can change, depending on the way we think. Unfortunately, over time, habits of negative thinking about ourselves can lower our self-esteem.

I can remember when I was in high school, perfection was STILL an unachievable goal, however, to a 17 year-old young girl, I knew I had to achieve that in order to be liked, to be popular, to be loved by the world. Comparing myself to other girls who I thought were perfect only lowered my self-esteem, because to me, I wasn’t perfect, I wasn’t pretty, I wasn’t worth loving. You see, the crazy thing about self-esteem, is that we project these false thoughts and images of what society thinks is beautiful, perfect, worth loving, and in turn allow that to determine how we feel about ourselves, which result in low self-esteem. To think, a lot of times we don’t even realize that we’re thinking so negatively of ourselves.

The one thing I can tell you is that is it up to you to make the change! You can change the way you think
about yourself and change the way you feel about yourself. I did it!

 

Manage your inner critic

It’s so important that you take notice of the critical things you say to yourself. Would you say those things to your best friend? Would you want your best friend or little sister thinking of themselves the way you’re thinking of yourself? A harsh inner voice just tears us down. Re-train yourself by rewording your negative unkind thoughts into more helpful loving thoughts. One thing I did, was start by telling myself each day in the mirror that I loved myself and that I was beautiful. It was not easy to do at first, but after while, I began to love myself in a way that I had never done before. I began to see myself in a light that I had never saw myself before! You’d be amazed at what changing your thoughts, and being mindful of what you say to yourself does to your self-esteem.

 

Focus on what goes well for you

If you’re used to focusing on the problem… STOP IT. It’s not good for your mental health or your self-esteem. The next time that you catch yourself doing so, dwelling on a problem or complaining about yourself or your day, find something positive to counter that thought. I can remember that I used to write down in my journal three good things about myself each day and three things that went well that day because of my action and effort and it truly made me feel a lot better. I saw what I saw in those girls on FB and IG in myself.

 

Remind yourself that everyone excels at different things.

Focus on what you do well, and cheer on others for their success. Thinking more like this: “She’s a great basketball player — but the truth is, I’m a better musician than athlete. Still, I’ll keep playing because I enjoy it.” helps you accept yourself and make the best of the situation.

Remember, we are all created in a different way. Just like planting trees, every tree doesn’t grow at the same time, doesn’t bloom the same type of flowers or leaves or branches. Every tree is unique and every tree is beautiful. Every tree has a place in this world and provides something major to this beautiful earth, and just like a tree, you do too! Do not compare yourself to anyone in this world, we are not meant to be in comparison! Be patient with yourself and love yourself. “Comparison is the thief of joy.”

 

To learn more about self-esteem and dealing with self-esteem, join my online girls group for anxiety and self-esteem! Look forward to seeing you!

Relationship Advice That Can Go A Long Way

DCIM100GOPROGOPR0659.Yes, relationships are hard. They do take a lot of hard work and dedication, which is far from what you initially thought a relationship, would be right? Wanting to find the right person to settle down with, this alone can be frustrating, and when you do find the right one, you still have your work cut out for you to help maintain and keep a happy relationship.

So, I’ve decided to throw out some advice, a little guidance to help you through those tough times in your relationships. Here we go!

1. You Two Are Cut from a Different Cloth

Often times, when we get into a relationship, we tend to forget that the person we are dating is yes, the person we want to be with, but they’re not us. They didn’t grow up in the same household with the same parents and the same perception in life, therefore, you will be completely different from your partner in many instances, and that can be a GOOD thing! When you keep in mind that you are different, you are more likely to understand that if an argument or disagreement comes up, it’s understandable, and you will get through it. I mean think about it, you and two of your friends can all go see the same movie and feel totally different about it! That’s because you are all different and your perceptions from life’s journey affect how you view things. So take it easy on yourself and your partner!

2. Take it EASY

Too often we get caught up in fear-based needs to control the person we are dating. This control can become a destructive compulsion that disintegrates the integrity of your relationship! Instead, you get anger and resentment from both people involved, rather than respect and compassion. To give your partner space to still be their own person, allows room for more peace, happiness, trust, and respect. Often times when there’s stress in the relationship, one partner asks for physical space to break the tension, and this happens subtle more than not. The best way to incorporate space is by being proactive and providing emotional rather than physical space. Both partners need to allow space to be their selves and have their own personal experiences without trying to control what the other person thinks or feels. It takes hard work and practice, but it’s so worth the effort.

3. You are Responsible for your Own Happiness

Yes! Yes! Yes! It is not your partner’s job to make you happy by any means. Of course, it feels really good when your partner is acting in a way that you want them to, but needing them to be a certain way in order for you to feel good—that’s bondage. Having the need or false perception that your partner has to be in a good mood all the time, will set your relationship up for failure long term. Yes, in the initial stages of the relationship, it may seem that way, but it’s impossible to sustain this image long-term. Getting into a relationship understanding and knowing that you are 110% responsible for your happiness and your partner is responsible for their, will help you both to focus on things that make you feel good in your lives and you look more into the things that you appreciate about one another. Bringing more wholeness into the relationship.
If you are looking for a relationship or someone to complete you or vice versa, you’re looking in the wrong direction. There won’t be lasting happiness or true fulfillment in that type of relationship. Wouldn’t it be better if you could find a way to feel how you want to feel regardless of what your partner is saying or doing?

4. LOVE YOURSELF

It’s extremely hard, dang near impossible to love someone else more than you love yourself. It’s important to learn to care for your mind, body, soul, and spirit. Realizing that being able to love yourself is the most important step to a successful relationship and a successful life. Doing things that make you happy, being unapologetically you, and being able to care and love others simply because you know exactly what love is because you were able to love yourself first! You should compare loving yourself to the oxygen mask. You have to apply it to yourself before applying it to anyone else. To know yourself, what you love, what makes your strong, what makes you weak, will in turn make your love more stronger. To completely love yourself, will allow for the person you’re with to be able to be themselves and love you the best way they know how. Conveying to your partner that you love yourself signals that you can be a pillar of strength and compassion.

5. Do Not Put Boundaries on your Partner

The only person you’re able to put boundaries on is yourself. If someone is doing something you don’t like or treating you in a negative way, you are unable to change them or their behavior. What you can do is ask yourself ‘what are the reasons you’re accepting it and how can you put a boundary on yourself so you won’t accept it again?’ It’s important to take more responsibility for your role in a bad relationship. Not that there action is a reflection of you, but why are you allowing those bad actions to continue. Remember, life is a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you believe you are undeserving of happiness, love and prosperity, that’s what they universe will give you.

6. You’ve Gotta Give the Effort

Relationships and dating don’t just “come,” they require time, patience, and effort. If you want a positive, happy relationship, you must take the time to understand and know your partner, go on dates, adventures, or simply stay home and play games that will help you two engage in one another. Relationships are a process and require a lot of groundwork, but it’s definitely worth the time, the patience, and the effort when you’re with the right person.